Temporary - Character Submissions

Posts : 1 Join date : 2016-06-25

http://fifthsanctum.com/character:fleur-duval I made a character!

GM Posts : 94 Join date : 2016-06-17 Age : 35

Re: Fleur
The dead and spirits generally have very little, if anything, to do with each other, so the first part of Songs of the Dead fits less thematically than I suspect you were going for.
The weakness has a similar issue of the dying very rarely leave ghosts, and when they do, 'ghosts' are just a memory imprint and are stuck in the area where they were created. There's no evidence for or against an afterlife existing, nor of something of a person 'surviving' death, and if one exists, there's no way to access it.

Posts : 16 Join date : 2016-07-13

Time for a second character! This is Asmara, the Kinnara.
http://fifthsanctum.com/character:asmara

GM Posts : 94 Join date : 2016-06-17 Age : 35

Re: Asmara
Swan is astoundingly weak, as powers go - just being able to swim better and fly is between 1/4 and 1/3 of a power, at best.
Song, meanwhile, is too strong, only because it boosts a stat rather than saying a roll; biggest difference being that stats always apply fully, while roll bonuses can eventually have diminishing returns if the bonus gets too high (if it's combined with a few other bonuses, that is). It also doesn't list a specific duration.
Mandurugo is also fairly on the weak side since it only does one thing, and is only available during weakness - I totally understand the second part, and it's part of what makes the weakness a good one, but it could still stand to at least do a little more than it does, utility-wise.
Ye have no possessions, lass!

Posts : 16 Join date : 2016-07-13

Fixed! Better?

Posts : 21 Join date : 2016-07-12

Reposting due to lack of interaction
Fixed, I'm fine with GF being on the weak side, it fits the character. http://fifthsanctum.com/character:excalibur

GM Posts : 94 Join date : 2016-06-17 Age : 35

Re: Excalibur
Still giving 1/2 approval here.

GM Posts : 73 Join date : 2016-06-22

Re: Fleur
Condemnation seems a tad weak. Maybe it'd be better if it dealt damage to psyche normally? Or if the drain heals her for half the damage dealt?

Re: Asmara
Swan still looks on the weaker side.

Excalibur: Approved.

Posts : 1 Join date : 2016-07-28

http://fifthsanctum.com/character:ashe-everly

I made a person! Is she ok?

GM Posts : 94 Join date : 2016-06-17 Age : 35

Re: Ashe
I'll just re-post what I pm'd you before this was up.
<Kioku> Demeanor/Nature/Description looks good. Stats look good. Skills look good. Teleportation range is a bit incredible and might want to specify whether it's personal only or if she can bring others with her - I'd personally make the range scale exponentially rather than linearly, or something, but I dunno. It can work as is. Gravity thing is similarly a bit high in specific amount, I think. Weakness is more misc/ side effect, not weakness, but I see you didn't take points from it anyway so no problem. Haven't read history yet because semi-busy.
<Kioku> That's the short version / rundown from a glance XD

Guest

http://fifthsanctum.com/character:theca
New character in need of approval!

Posts : 21 Join date : 2016-07-12

Hey I gots one too what are the chances http://fifthsanctum.com/character:tilen

GM Posts : 94 Join date : 2016-06-17 Age : 35

Re: Theca
Don't say "weakness points saved for later use" when you already spent them on skills.
Powers could both use more clarification on what exactly they do.
Leave a space between the paragraphs in history, it's nigh impossible to read right now as a single block.

Re: Tilen
Skill points are 2 over, with no weakness to cover for it.
Powers seem to work, unsure what is meant by flavor one though. ("Decreases")
Cupcakes are not a weakness.
History - note that current date is ~March 1, 2019 - so anything in 2016 happened 2-3 years ago. So I'm not sure about "not long."

Guest

Whoops, accidentally left the later use thing, I planned on waiting but decided against it when I needed more points for it
Fixed History as well.
Also I originally knew I was a tad vague so I added the smaller text next to the number and name

Heart Beat: {4} Reanimation and Life Manipulation < Meaning she can stop and start hearts

The Cure: {3} Healing < She can heal and also is immune to most bio hazards and diseases

GM Posts : 94 Join date : 2016-06-17 Age : 35

Re: Tilen
See that skills fixed, and misread diseases as decreases last time despite looking at it like 5 times @_@ Stupid sleep deprivation.

Re: Theca
Heart Beat is rather weak as a power if it just stops and restarts hearts, but long as you're okay with that, *shrug*

Both 1/2 approval

GM Posts : 73 Join date : 2016-06-22

Re: Ashe
Three people in a (presumably small, not many cities have harvest festivals) town seems a tad much without a reason for all those people being there. Also, what Kio mentioned earlier hasn't been addressed.

Re: Theca
Being able to stop someone's heart seems a tad strong. Judging by Kio's post, Kio read it as just making a heart stutter, but it's stopping or starting them... which would result in eventual death. Plus no range is specified, is it line of sight? Touch based? (Also, Heart Beat is listed as life manipulation which... I don't think it should be. If the power's intended to be life manipulation, that would be different than starting and stopping hearts.)

Re: Tilen
Melee Combat skills are attack AND defense, so toughness is unnecessary unless it's ranged defense.

I Spy could be a part of Decay and Infestation, since it's just flavor anyways and fits the disease theme. Razz

Guest

Touching them is what's needed, and even then- it's a fairly high roll kind of thing, Dodging tends to be easy enough. And I mean, if you can stop someone's heart, which is their literal life, it's manipulation of heart beat. So I think it counts.

GM Posts : 73 Join date : 2016-06-22

Alright. Theca approved. (Or Thecapproved, if you prefer jokes!)

Posts : 21 Join date : 2016-07-12

Posting again, fixed the toughness skill and the flavor power was placed with Decay and Infestation. Already has one approval stamp. http://fifthsanctum.com/character:tilen

Posts : 16 Join date : 2016-07-13

Third character: Bobby! Whadya think?
http://fifthsanctum.com/character:bobby

GM Posts : 94 Join date : 2016-06-17 Age : 35

Re: Bobby
Demeanor/Nature/Description all really short, especially description.
Should have 1 more HP because of Brawn
Any power that gives extra actions in a single turn with no real cost is simply unacceptable.
Weakness default thing needs cleaning up.
Almost no possessions listed, still has the default stuff.

Posts : 16 Join date : 2016-07-13

Re: Kioku
Expanded, added, listed, and cleaned up.
Also I added a "cost" to the actions; I'd really like to keep the extra actions in a turn, if I can make the cost work, as that's sort of the mechanical basis of the idea. Is the cost strong enough? Should I make it last longer? Or do you not think I'll be able to make it work?

GM Posts : 94 Join date : 2016-06-17 Age : 35

Re: Bobby
The "cost" just made the power worse by adding a totally random element, which simply doesn't belong in mechanics - and even if it did, it's still far from serious enough for literally the strongest thing a power can do in a game, which wouldn't even be balanced by it needing three powers combined.

Posts : 7 Join date : 2016-07-01

Here is the brain fart I made http://fifthsanctum.com/character:lurtz Take a look when you have time Smile

GM Posts : 94 Join date : 2016-06-17 Age : 35

Re: Lurtz
Formatting needs fixing a little (don't leave a space after the ** to bold powers), and definitely don't leave the default thing on weakness even with no weakness. Edit down the stuff in possessions too, just don't leave so much of the template stuff because it's explanations that don't belong on the final sheet.
Smokewraith is mildly problematic since no power should give a no-time-limit stat boost - stats are a big deal, and a boost would only be able to last for a few rounds after switching into that form, or taking an action to renew it.